So, it's a new year. I'd like to say that there's a new me, but there isn't. The date on the calendar has changed, but I really don't feel like I have. The scale hasn't budged. And my attitude? Well, it stinks. I'm frustrated folks. For the first time in my life, I'm fat. Truly fat. Not thick or big boned, but FAT.As of this past Sunday (1/4/08), I weight 222.5 pounds. I'm about 5'11", but my frame was never meant to hold all of this weight. At 222.5 pounds, I literally weight 1.5 pounds less than I did when I walked in to the hospital to give birth to Lauryn almost 10 months ago. Hello? Did you hear that? In other words, I might as well be sitting here 9 months pregnant. When I tell people how much I weigh, they really don't believe me (this includes my dear husband, who thought I was a little over 200). Folks also say, "well, you're tall, so its ok". IT IS NOT OK.
I think one of the main reasons that I struggle with my weight now is that I never had to before. I played 3 varsity sports in high school and, at less than 160 pounds, I was in fantastic shape. I had Sade at age 19 and I swear that within a month of giving birth, you couldn't even tell that I had done so (the beauty of youth). I was never active again, but that really didn't seem to matter at the time. Throughout my 20s, my weight hovered around 160, so I was never really concerned about it. Right before I met Corey, I weighed myself for the first time in years. 181 pounds. Holy shit! I honestly didn't have a clue that I was that heavy. I definitely didn't feel that heavy and all of my clothes still fit. Damn. I was still cute, though:
Fast forward 2 years to our my wedding day:
Happy and heavy at 200 pounds. Did I look 200 pounds? Nope. I made certain that I didn't look that heavy. I understood my body enough to know how to conceal all of my wobbly bits, while accentuating my assets (I've always had a small waist) at the same time.
Since this photo above, I:
- got pregnant
- gained 24 pregnancy pounds
- gave birth a small baby (under 7 pounds)
- lost 20 of the 24 pounds in 3 months
- gained BACK the same 20 pounds in about a month
- haven't lost a single ounce since
That brings us back to today. Corey and I would like to have another baby soon, but I'm not going to do it until this part of my life is in order. I've been intending to kick start things at the start of the year, but once I saw this photo from New Years Eve, I knew it was time to do something:
Damn. I really thought that the purple shirt was cute, but it really isn't. In fact,
nothing is cute right now and that really sucks. So, I've started Weight Watchers (yet again!), I'm committed to my Step Aerobics 101 class (youch!) and I'm taking an awesome class called
Loving Yourself in 2009 with some of my SISters. I really need to be held accountable and, since I'm a little isolated where I live, this class is just what the doctor ordered.
One of first assignments was to find a binder and create a cover for it. I forgot to take a picture of the binder, but here's my cover:
If you're still here reading, bless you!! I'm sorry it was so long (it took me all damn day to write it), but it needed to be done. As my girl
Sasha (LOVING that she's in my class) says, it's time to make it "do what it do"
I'll have more crafty stuff to share tomorrow :)
xo,
e
